Saturday, 9 May 2015

The future!! Eek!!

This is probably really early to think about such things, but I'd really like to be a mother one day. I've been thinking about it quite a lot recently, in respect to my diabetes, CHI etc. And I'm worried if I'm honest with you. 

First of all, being a pregnant type 1 diabetic sounds damn near impossible. I know there have been plenty of T1 mothers but I can't help but worry. I've heard you have to be like a robot, perfect blood sugars permanently so eating little and often (don't quote me on that, I haven't done my research - this is just my thoughts). It sounds like a hellish way to live for 9 whole months. But even worse than that, I couldn't imagine the guilt if my baby was born with medical issues because of bad blood sugar levels on my part! I'd feel so awful. Then there's whole my blood sugars whilst giving birth. I dread that too. 

Another thing I'm equally as worried about is, because of course I had 3 major surgeries when I was a baby, I have a pretty big scar across my stomach. I'm not complaining about the scar, it's neat and it makes my stomach more interesting than the average person's, but it hasn't grown with me whatsoever. It's fairly indented and has gotten shorter as I've got bigger (but still manages to cross my entire stomach!). Obviously being pregnant involves having a mini human being inside you, meaning you have to grow to host them. What the hell will happen with my scar? Will I even be able to have kids because of it? What if my scar didn't grow with me, even though a doctor had perhaps said it would've been fine, but it wasn't, and then the baby had growth problems or something?! Or what if my scar stretched or came undone (I'm hoping that is scientifically impossible haha!!) and cause me problems? 

And then the biggest worry about it all for me is, Congenital Hyperinsulinism is of course genetic. Hence the 'congenital'.  Apparently doctors can't test for my dodgey gene in the father as it is too difficult as of yet, so I wouldn't know if he could pass on the same bad dodgey gene. There are a hell of a lot of genes in the body, so you'd think that the chances of the father having the exact same bad gene as me would be so miniscule it would count as impossible, but it happened to me. Neither of my parents had the condition so the chance was probably even smaller for them to pass on two bad genes to me than for me to give it to my baby but they both happened to have 1 dodgey gene out of two. I then got 1 gene from each parent and they both managed to give me the dodgey ones. So I have two dodgey genes so my baby will definitely get at least one bad gene. What if the father had and gave the baby that same gene, and the bad version?! I dread that happening. I would hate for my child to grow up and live with that sort of difficult condition. The only thing to put my mind at rest is I could in theory make sure the baby didn't have two bad genes. And the treatment these days, and the diagnosis process and everything to do with the condition, is a whole lot better technologically and there are more medications than when I was born, and there will be even better technology and more medications, I hope, when I, hopefully, have a child. So at least they'd have an easier ride. And I desperately hope it didn't/doesn't get diabetes either from HI or normal T1. Or any medial condition for that matter!!

You'd think I'd dismiss wanting children after all that, but I reeeaaaally want at least one child. Or two. (Haha I haven't decided!) I hope everything works out really!!

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