Thursday, 10 September 2015

Self conscious-ness:/

 Type 1 diabetes is a hell of a big part of me. It always has been. And yet recently I keep on feeling like I talk about it too much. I probably bore my friends with all 
the T1D lingo, I feel awkward when I get out my test kit. I still do all my treatment and that, but I'm not as relaxed when I do it anymore. I'm so conscious of it now. And I have no idea why!

I am usually confident, and couldn't care less who I was with when dealing with any diabetes related activity. I've been through blips similar to this before. But normally there is a trigger, like a conversation about it, or meeting another type 1 in non-diabetes related circumstances, but I can't think of a trigger this time. 

I will carry on and test, bolus etc. I'm not silly. I know the consequences of not doing it, but I wish the feelings of normality would return. 

I've started talking with a year 7, in my form group, she's lovely. (I'm year 11).  But wandering around with her at break, I felt awkward answering my pump beeping. I want her to see me as Jess, a year 11 girl she can talk to. Not Jess, a year 11 girl she can talk to who is also diabetic. I always wonder about this type thing in relation to my friends. 

Do they see me as 'the diabetic girl'? I sincerely hope not because that would mean I had no other characteristics in their eyes. I guess I will never know. But hopefully by talking about being diabetic less will not make it such a prominent feature of mine, although it is definitively a part of me - I can't deny that. 

I guess I'll just go with the flow, not really talk about diabetes unless I'm asked and treat my diabetes as I would normally. 



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